One word has been flashing in my brain for the past couple of weeks: nuance.
I usually love nuance. I love asking more questions, getting past the surface layer, and going deep. But I’ve found my capacity to deal with nuance is a little fractured right now. It’s like that nerve ending is bruised from overuse.
Recently, I was working with a client and following the same interview and discovery process I always have. I asked a lot of questions. I listened. I asked more questions. My brain raced to get ahead of the answers and reframe them — to simplify them. Finally, I did my usual “What I hear you saying is ______.”
The client paused. On the Zoom screen, I saw her thinking. And instead of saying, “Yes, exactly! You really get it,” and happily ending the call, she said, “No. That’s not exactly right.” And we kept hashing it out for another hour.
I felt really frustrated. Why couldn’t I quickly understand the nuance of what she was describing? This is what I’m good at. Is my nuance detector somehow broken by the grind of 2020?
This year, most things have gotten a lot less black-and-white. Boundaries and schedules are blurred, shifting, or just completely gone. We look to the news for clear answers, but there really aren’t many to be found. Instead, we’re sorting through a lot of nuance. There’s not really a “right” or a “wrong.” There’s no absolute “best” choice. And it’s hard to boil down all of the information into an easy-to-understand answer.
All of the nuance that we’re facing can be really exhausting. I know I’ve felt mentally and emotionally fried most days. Do we just have to build up a muscle for managing nuance? And how do we bring our best, most discerning selves to our work when we’re already having to use our nuance-detectors on everything else in our lives?
It’s a question I continue to ask myself. And for now, my only answer is grace. I’m learning to give myself more grace, and to approach my interactions with other people with as much grace as I can muster. When you realize that everyone is struggling to find, process, and understand all of this nuance, just like you are, it gets easier to slow down, speak more clearly, and create space to work through ideas. You team up to become nuance hunters together.
What nuance are you working through? Are any of your superpowers a little bruised? How are you finding and giving grace?
