As a mom to a 6- and 9-year-old, I usually try to “parent from ahead.” On a typical day, that might mean planning what’s for dinner, making sure we all have clean socks, and anticipating what might be stressing my kids out. It’s the most low-stress and successful way for me to parent.
But on a recent international trip with my kids, my ability to lead the way and parent from ahead totally went out the window. We were navigating a new place, a new language, and all the bumps in the road that come with traveling.
- Train canceled after a ten-hour flight? Let me get in a 45-minute line to talk to someone in German to figure it out — while keeping my kids’ spirits up and setting their expectations for what might come next.
- Lost in a foreign countryside without GPS? Hold on, kids, we’ll get there eventually…maybe.
- It’s two hours past lunch? Here, try our only food option, a dumpling that I’ll sell as mac and cheese…but won’t pass muster with your Kindergarten palate.
Instead of being ahead of the game — ready to anticipate what was coming next and steer our ship through the calmest strait — I was in a reactive mode, playing catch-up. The metaphor “building the airplane while you’re flying it” came to mind, and after a week of doing that mental gymnastics, my ability to do so got worse, not better.
It was hard. In those moments, I felt how difficult it is to take in new information, process it, make decisions based on it, and seamlessly lead people forward.
4 lessons for learning + leading at the same time
This year, most of my work with clients has circled the theme of leading through difficult times. The world is changing, the right decisions are often elusive, and leaders are feeling the weight of their responsibility.
I understood this idea intellectually after hours of interviews with those leaders. But this trip illuminated just how hard it is to learn and lead at the same time, figuring out a new situation and guiding others through it.
I’ve been thinking about ways we can lead, even when the path forward is murky.
Accept that there is no “right” answer
If you’re a high achiever, you’re probably used to striving for the best possible decision. What’s the “right” answer in any given scenario? What does the data point to? What’s the best practice?
But when you’re in a fluid and changing situation, there is no right answer. Accepting that will free you to trust your instincts and release yourself from perfectionism when it’s not a useful constraint.
During the darkest days of the pandemic, I remember taking comfort in the idea that we can only make the best possible decision based on the information available to us at the time. We can’t know the future, but we can use the limited information we have to do what we think is best.
Don’t pretend you know everything, but share what you do know
People stop listening when they think you’re making things up or just appeasing them. So be honest: This situation is hard, and you don’t have all the answers.
It can be helpful to share the questions you’re still asking. Ask your team for help: “Here’s what we still don’t know. How can we figure this out? How could we pinpoint the answer to X question? Who else should we bring in to help us solve this? What questions should we be asking?”
Then, share what you do know. Even if you don’t know all the facts, you can remind yourself and your team of tried-and-true fundamentals and principles you’ll use to make your decisions.
Lean on your strengths
If the current situation is presenting challenges you can’t quite crack, stop hammering away at closed doors. Instead of trying to discern answers you can’t know, lean on the things you do know how to do.
If you’re a cheerleader who people turn to for support, do what you can to buoy your team and cheer them on.
If you’re a tactical pro who likes making lists, write out every step you’ll need to take to get to a decision.
In the hardest times, it’s easier to lean on the strongest parts of your personality than try to suddenly develop a weak muscle.
Look for the lightness
Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only thing that will get you through.
Signal to your team that it’s okay to laugh, embrace the uncanny, and even get silly during hard times.
In my case, that meant taking goofy selfies while we waited in line, looking for the longest German words we could find on signs, or just buying every pastry, hot chocolate, and sweet treat we encountered. When times are dark, make room for light.
So, consider this a kudos if you’re doing your best to lead from ahead while navigating uncertainty. Whether you’re leading international teams of employees, managing a small group of colleagues, doing your best to keep your own head above water, or keeping your sense of humor while helping your family make it through the day, I salute you.
And if you need help talking about this leadership challenge — processing it for yourself and sharing your experience with others — that’s where I come in. I work as a thought leadership coach and partner for leaders motivated to understand and share their most hard-won ideas.
